Only on the Internet can you find things that make you scratch you head and ask "Is this for real?" One such discovery today not only has me asking this question, but it seems that the same question is going around the Internet in various chat rooms. The page is called Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin. It's "about" line is this:
Fappy® The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and STOP Masturbation NOW are proud to announce a 31-city nationwide school tour focusing on educating both children and parents about the dangerous consequences of masturbation.
And this is what Fappy looks like (currently it appears he is kicking off a multi-city tour going around to schools teaching young people the dire consequences of masturbation:
According to the page, and its "sister page," "masturbation is a gateway drug to rape. It also leads to sexual dysfunction, erodes family values, and is a top ten cause of disease. Please help us make parents aware of Masturbation in the home and hopefully to make it illegal." The cover photo for the page has a huge "Faith and Family Values" banner on it, and the person who runs the page (Lonnie), has put up the following helpful ideas to stop masturbation such as:
I'm thinking this HAS to be a spoof. I mean, does Fappy really go around to middle schools and talk about the dangers of masturbation? The site says that they are "banned in California" (SuperOfficialNews.com, where the article appears, seems to be created by the same people who promote Fappy), because apparently Big Masturbation (yeah, like Big Ag or Big Business) has liberals going against what is "right" (i.e. they call masturbation "self rape." ) And the comments don't help either. Some commenters have a lot of fun on the page, making snarky comments like the following:
What is needed is a support group, like AA, but for people addicted to masturbation. Getting people together in a group to share their stories openly would be really helpful for people. I'd be willing to try it at least once. No harm in trying is there Fappy? Anyone else feel the same way?
The response to this comment was:
If they start a group I am NOT shaking hands with anyone.
Different chat rooms on the Internet are alternately confused, laughing, and asking "is this for real?" Fappy makes an appearance on Godlike Productions, (so maybe the site is really a spoof on Christians who don't approve of masturbation), and on Imgur.com where posters alternately ask "Is this for real?" and play along with it as if it were a spoof. To date I haven't been able to find a fact checking site that would say so either way. Fappy also posts regular "Tips of the Day for Overcoming Masturbation." One gem is this:
Five steps to overcoming masturbation…1. Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and out loud when the temptations are the strongest.
2. Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise. The exercises reduce emotional tension and depression and are absolutely basic to the solution of this problem. Double your physical activity when you feel stress increasing.
3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell STOP to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then recite a pre-chosen Scripture or sing an inspirational hymn. It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge.
4. Set goals of abstinence, begin with a day, then a week, month, year and finally commit to never doing it again. Until you commit yourself to never again you will always be open to temptation.
5. Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved through a changed self-image. Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and in control, easily overcoming tempting situations.
Dave Meyers, who runs the "Fappy" page, and Lonnie Childs, from Stop Masturbation NOW page, appear regularly on BlogTalkRadio as well. Their latest announcement from a show they did last Wednesday:
Dave Myers, the Admin and spokesman for Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, and Lonnie Childs from STOP Masturbation NOW were guests on the SnotleyFunTyme Radio show last night. We spoke to various callers including a sex educator who had a PHD. We also answered many questions about the dangers and consequences of masturbation. I'm sure everyone walked away a little smarter last night and I know we definitely saved some lives. Enjoy!
The announcement comes complete with a link to the show. One worried commenter named Rowan says, "Posts like this make me a little worried that this page might actualy be real. Otherwise hats off to you for some amazing trolling skills and dedication."
The commenter right after Rowan, named Julie, asks: "this is a special page, isn't it?"
Not to mention that the man who wears the Fappy suit when they go around to schools (if they do), was apparently arrested for public masturbation and drunkenness. (see, this leads me to believe that the master of the page is really having fun yanking our chains). Apparently, as a condition of re-hire to wear the Fappy suit, the guy has to wear a "cage" so he can't get to his "tools" and who knows what the other terms are. My head is spinning at the moment.
A discussion board site CPFC spent a while back in 2004 asking if Fappy was for real or not; nobody was able to come to a concrete conclusion. So, GodDiscussion readers, perhaps if you are more "in the know" about whether Fappy is a legitimate crusader against masturbation (and believe me, with politics being what it is these days, NOTHING would surprise me about Christians crusading against masturbation), perhaps you can a) poke fun at me for being so dumb that I don't know what a spoof site is when I see it, in which case I am in good company because nobody else seems to know either, or b) you can verify if a man in a dolphin suit is really going around to elementary and middle schools teaching kids about the evils of masturbation. In any case, it should be fun. And some final advice from Fappy, the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin (a dolphin. Really? Do dolphins do dirty things when we're not looking? Why a dolphin?) Anyway, here's a last word from Fappy:
It has recently come to my attention that looking at pornography can be a major trigger for some people when it comes to overcoming masturbation. So to avoid this mistake I have put together a detailed list of all the different types of pornography one should avoid. Please feel free to print it up and post in on your refrigerator or at the office as a constant reminder.
Remember what Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin always says… only YOU can prevent masturbating.
And if this page is a real attempt to stop masturbation, I think we can safely say that the world has indeed gone mad.