Home / Views & Opinion / Facebook page has people across the Internet asking "Is this for real?" when it comes to Fappy the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin
Facebook page has people across the Internet asking "Is this for real?" when it comes to Fappy the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin

Facebook page has people across the Internet asking "Is this for real?" when it comes to Fappy the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin

Only on the Internet can you find things that make you scratch you head and ask "Is this for real?"   One such discovery today not only has me asking this question, but it seems that the same question is going around the Internet in various chat rooms.   The page is called Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin.  It's "about" line is this:

Fappy® The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and STOP Masturbation NOW are proud to announce a 31-city nationwide school tour focusing on educating both children and parents about the dangerous consequences of masturbation.

And this is what Fappy looks like (currently it appears he is kicking off a multi-city tour going around to schools teaching young people the dire consequences of masturbation:

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According to the page, and its "sister page," "masturbation is a gateway drug to rape. It also leads to sexual dysfunction, erodes family values, and is a top ten cause of disease. Please help us make parents aware of Masturbation in the home and hopefully to make it illegal."     The cover photo for the page has a huge "Faith and Family Values" banner on it, and the person who runs the page (Lonnie), has put up the following helpful ideas to stop masturbation such as:

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I'm thinking this HAS to be a spoof.   I mean, does Fappy really go around to middle schools and talk about the dangers of masturbation?  The site says that they are "banned in California"  (SuperOfficialNews.com, where the article appears, seems to be created by the same people who promote Fappy), because apparently Big Masturbation (yeah, like Big Ag or Big Business) has liberals going against what is "right" (i.e. they call masturbation "self rape." )  And the comments don't help either.  Some commenters have a lot of fun on the page, making snarky comments like the following:

What is needed is a support group, like AA, but for people addicted to masturbation. Getting people together in a group to share their stories openly would be really helpful for people. I'd be willing to try it at least once. No harm in trying is there Fappy? Anyone else feel the same way?

The response to this comment was:

If they start a group I am NOT shaking hands with anyone.

Different chat rooms on the Internet are alternately confused, laughing, and asking "is this for real?"  Fappy makes an appearance on Godlike Productions, (so maybe the site is really a spoof on Christians who don't approve of masturbation),  and on Imgur.com where posters alternately ask "Is this for real?" and play along with it as if it were a spoof.  To date I haven't been able to find a fact checking site that would say so either way.   Fappy also posts regular "Tips of the Day for Overcoming Masturbation."   One gem is this:

Five steps to overcoming masturbation…1. Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and out loud when the temptations are the strongest.

2. Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise. The exercises reduce emotional tension and depression and are absolutely basic to the solution of this problem. Double your physical activity when you feel stress increasing.

3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell STOP to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then recite a pre-chosen Scripture or sing an inspirational hymn. It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge.

4. Set goals of abstinence, begin with a day, then a week, month, year and finally commit to never doing it again. Until you commit yourself to never again you will always be open to temptation.

5. Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved through a changed self-image. Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and in control, easily overcoming tempting situations.

 Dave Meyers, who runs the "Fappy" page, and Lonnie Childs, from Stop Masturbation NOW page, appear regularly on BlogTalkRadio as well. Their latest announcement from a show they did last Wednesday:

Dave Myers, the Admin and spokesman for Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, and Lonnie Childs from STOP Masturbation NOW were guests on the SnotleyFunTyme Radio show last night. We spoke to various callers including a sex educator who had a PHD. We also answered many questions about the dangers and consequences of masturbation. I'm sure everyone walked away a little smarter last night and I know we definitely saved some lives. Enjoy!

The announcement comes complete with a link to the show.    One worried commenter named Rowan says, "Posts like this make me a little worried that this page might actualy be real. Otherwise hats off to you for some amazing trolling skills and dedication."

The commenter right after Rowan, named Julie, asks:  "this is a special page, isn't it?"

Not to mention that the man who wears the Fappy suit when they go around to schools (if they do), was apparently arrested for public masturbation and drunkenness. (see, this leads me to believe that the master of the page is really having fun yanking our chains).   Apparently, as a condition of re-hire to wear the Fappy suit, the guy has to wear a "cage" so he can't get to his "tools" and who knows what the other terms are.   My head is spinning at the moment.

A discussion board site CPFC spent a while back in 2004 asking if Fappy was for real or not; nobody was able to come to a concrete conclusion. So, GodDiscussion readers, perhaps if you are more "in the know" about whether Fappy is a legitimate crusader against masturbation (and believe me, with politics being what it is these days, NOTHING would surprise me about Christians crusading against masturbation), perhaps you can a) poke fun at me for being so dumb that I don't know what a spoof site is when I see it, in which case I am in good company because nobody else seems to know either, or b) you can verify if a man in a dolphin suit is really going around to elementary and middle schools teaching kids about the evils of masturbation.  In any case, it should be fun.   And some final advice from Fappy, the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin (a dolphin. Really?  Do dolphins do dirty things when we're not looking? Why a dolphin?)  Anyway, here's a last word from Fappy:

It has recently come to my attention that looking at pornography can be a major trigger for some people when it comes to overcoming masturbation. So to avoid this mistake I have put together a detailed list of all the different types of pornography one should avoid. Please feel free to print it up and post in on your refrigerator or at the office as a constant reminder.

Remember what Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin always says… only YOU can prevent masturbating.

And if this page is a real attempt to stop masturbation, I think we can safely say that the world has indeed gone mad.

About Dakota O'Leary

Dakota O'Leary is a freethinker, and often sassy, scholar of theology and literature. She got her Bachelor of Arts degree in English and Theology from the State University of New York College at Buffalo, and her Master of Arts degree in Theology and Literature from Antioch University-Midwest. She is a contributing writer focusing on eschatology, biblical prophecy, and general religious news. Dakota is a co-host of the God Discussion radio show, offering insight to the news stories of the week. We like to call her "our in-house Biblical prophecy expert" as her articles on eschatology have received over 200,000 views on God Discussion.
  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=506054760 Ccw Equality Sparks

    *snort* it's a lot trickier to fap when you don't have hands to do it with. Just ask T. rex. ^_^

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001855698075 Marie Angélique Roy
  • http://www.houseofbetazed.com Mriana

    Give me a friggin' break! There'd better be a parental consent form for this, because as a parent, albeit with grown sons, but if they were still school age, I'd put my foot down and say I will not consent to this ill-informed stupidity.

  • Pleased Plains Parent

    Fappy came to my child's school here in Topeka, and rest assured the presentation was very tastefully done, interactive, and quite eye-opening. Don't knock it until you see it. In fact…you might be able to see it. I think one of the teachers recorded it.

    • http://www.houseofbetazed.com Mriana

      So this furry is teaching children that masturbation is bad? Seriously? I'm not concerned about it being tastefully done as much as I am concerned about teaching children such things are bad. It's not psychologically healthy to teach them such things. What would be better is a honest and truthful sex education. Oh but I forgot, the neighbours next door to MO are just as bad if not worse on such topics.

      • http://www.facebook.com/diane.yoder.16 Diane Yoder

        I do NOT believe Pleased Plains Parent for an instant. I mean the guy in the Fappy suit got busted for public masturbation? COME ON LOL!!!

        • http://www.houseofbetazed.com Mriana

          Why do you think I called him a furry? I don't quite buy it either, but if "Pleased Plains Parent" is telling the truth, then in a few more years, the Ex-Xian website will have more members and a few psychologists will have more clients. That is, if this nation survives the stupidity of the Religious Reich.

        • http://www.edlis.org/cafe ANunAMouse

          >guy in the Fappy suit got busted for public masturbation

          Do you not see that is the way the Devil works?

          Fappy the Dolphin must be forgiven because we know that the temptation the Devil places before the most effective workers for Jesus is far, far greater than anything you or I face.

          It is like the priests with young boys, you must understand and forgive. Sinful young boys tempt the immaculate priests. Why would a priest with God's guidance do wrong? Why would Fappy?

          • Rachael

            Please do not ever excuse child molestation.

          • olz

            U are one fucked up pedo priest lover. Why the fuck would young boys have wicked thoughts about a bunch of ugly old nuns!!!

      • Dakota

        This Furry… I'm literally dying right now. xD

  • Peter

    I must stop! I'm going blind and I've got hair growing on my palms.

    • http://www.facebook.com/diane.yoder.16 Diane Yoder

      Well, on the bright side, the hairy palms can act as a beer cozy.

    • http://www.houseofbetazed.com Mriana

      Or keep you warm in winter.

  • colourmegone

    During the Victorian era there was an appliance on sale for "gentlemen" consisting of a round leather ring pierced by very sharp pins with their points facing inward. The idea was that you would fit it on your penis before retiring to prevent "night ejaculations" because everybody knew sex was an unhealthy, unnatural, debauched, self-indulgent activity contrary to Scripture and natural law.

  • http://twitter.com/sheens_korner Sheens Korner

    When my son's school was visited by Fappy the anti-masturbation dolphin last month, I was outraged. I called my state senator and they are currently looking into the matter of shutting this fraud down. The sooner the better!

    • Jamie Davis

      You should press charges against the school for not sending home a permeation slip.

      • Eric Willard

        hahahaha "Permeation" slip…that killed me

    • Frankie82

      actually the fact that they are allowed in schools is a violation of rights of every child because they are teaching religious superstition in school to children without the parents consent. i'm not against religion, but i dont want someone else preaching their nonsense to my children… this is a huge lawsuit waiting to happen. not just with them, but with the schools allowing it…

    • Jean-Christophe Nef
  • Spuddie

    2 questions:

    How many 12 year olds are going to listen to a guy in a dolphin suit with unnaturally matted fur?

    Is it me or does the dolphin suit sporting a "chubby" at the bottom?

  • http://www.facebook.com/lostcauseslikepudding Chris Evans

    hi guys the campaign manager here for fappy. I can tell you, we 100% take this seriously and have been and will continue to preach the consiquences and dangers of masterbation to young children and help save their souls !

    • http://www.houseofbetazed.com Mriana

      You mean, you take giving children hang ups about a sexuality and threatening them with hell (which is nothing more than a control mechanism created by humans) if they touch themselves 100% seriously. I can see psychologists making big bucks in the future because of the psychological damage you and your furry are causing. Why not tell them about the evils of using and pointing guns at others and that killing others is not an answer to one's anger? Now that would be something I could respect. Use your furry to say, "It's not OK to play with guns or to use them to kill. Stay away from guns and use other means to handle anger." That would be far better than stupidly saying that masturbation will send them to hell, because that's just not true. Even Smokey the Bear was used to teach more respectful and responsible things than you and your furry are teaching and Smokey didn't cause psychological damage to children. Barney the Dinosaur was more intelligent then your furry.

    • Spuddie

      People pay you for this crap?

      Damn! You have a pretty good racket going. I am surprised you haven't been sued yet.

  • http://www.facebook.com/eric.forman.5876 Eric Forman

    I was trying to schedule Fappy to visit my kid's school. The organization was very professional and well-organized. They were booked up for the immediate future and put our school on the waiting list. It is a real well-financed organization. They even have Fappy merchandise being sold.

  • plots in jaipur

    nice views and fabulous information and thanks for shearing us thanks a lot

  • https://www.facebook.com/stopselfrape Nikita Shalavin
    • http://www.houseofbetazed.com Mriana

      You'd be better off talking to an actual physician on this matter, instead of falling prey to religious dogma, which is not based on facts. A medical doctor would give you real information based on facts and scientific evidence. For that matter, even a psychologist and/or a psychiatrist could help you overcome the mental abuse you've endured at the hands of religious zealots even, as well as give you facts on this matter too.

    • pixieprincess

      Thank YOU, Brother Nikita, for all of your hard work in Homogay Conversion Therapy at the compound. I am so proud to fight these abominations alongside such a dedicated Lonvidian. Praise!

  • https://www.facebook.com/stopselfrape Nikita Shalavin

    Masturbation is a gateway drug to rape and is one of the top ten causes of disease. Thank God there are brave people like Lonnie Childs and Fappy the Dolphin who are willing to put it all on the line, for the sake of small white children everywhere.

    • pixieprincess

      PRAISE!

  • Jamie Davis

    Any of the followers of this Lonnie Childs fellow and completely brainwashed! They believe the man is superior to the woman, pilligamy, the husband can choose if his wife has any rights, women must to to a menstration hut for 7 days out of the month because it makes everything ( in their eyes) unclean. They call people (even their own children/ family) non normal for being ginger or any other race that isn't white. When they give care packages they put leftover food from customers from local restaurants or even the food they have already thrown out. These bigots are insane! I feel bad for anyone associated with this cult. Especially women, children and anyone they "help". You men in this following are sick, selfish pigs! I pity your wives and children!

    • AlexCochrane

      Whoa there, calm down lady. It's almost certainly a spoof, looking at the information around on the web there's no way this cult really exists. Even if it is real, it won't ever get a big enough following to do real damage, go hate on Scientology if you really need to be mad at something…

  • Eric Willard

    I couldn't concentrate on the article while clown porn was playing in the background.

  • Eric Willard

    Either it's a big joke or the people who created it are effing stupid. Dolphins will masturbate or have sex with anything. Hence, I think it's a big joke.

  • Fast Hands

    Shut the fuck up, this shit is real! Dam!

  • Jean-Christophe Nef
    • Jean-Christophe Nef

      ^_^

  • Scott

    Fappy came to Denver last year and after smoking a huge bong hit, he masturbated and spunked all over my mom!

  • http://www.edlis.org/cafe ANunAMouse

    The Roman Catholic Church is thinking of adopting similar masturbation circles to stop this sin. We will use reformed paedophile priests to get the boys and girls in a circle and show them what sin really is. Jesus moves in mysterious ways.

    When Fappy the Dolphin visited our convent last week every single nun came!

    If you want our priests to come at your child's school please write to

    His Holiness, Fappy the Dolphin
    Apostolic Palace
    00120 Vatican City

    Thank God America now welcomes Jesus into its schools!

    Do you know here your daughter is tonight?

    • olz

      I thought nuns renounced all things that invite temptation. Why do u have a picture of a nun in a facefull of make up!!! Rat bag fucker that u are

  • CretinismRulz
  • Muddyrunnergirl

    This HAS to be BS. "Fap" is British slang for masturbation. The term is so widely spread on the Internet that even American pre-teens know what it means. If it IS real, I'd be livid that a presentation not rooted in scientific fact, but religious superstition, was given to my child without my consent.

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    house to pick his things, that was when i knew that situation has
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